Why should I pray for you?

Why should I pray for you?

When this evanescent abode is

but a fleeting dream to the Almighty.

why is it that once that veil is lifted

no earthly remorse should bind you

nay! that they should ever possess a faintest notion

by the very mention of His Name?

Why then, should I pray for you?

If the world and all that therein

Held no grip on your frail ambition

Nor can they withstand the throb of

Your heartfelt delight when obtain

The Most Great Reunion.

Why? Tell me then, should I pray for you?

And why must I strife to pleases Him

while abide by mortal will?

To what end shall my prayer beseem?

To what end shall we all?

this is a core-trait of me

always desperately in want of attention and a good game of fetch.

via SoulPancake

How do you take apology?

I’ll have mine with 2 cups of sugar, half cup of milk (yuck...)

But seriously, I can never take apology as well as when I give it. Something about it that brings out the element of humiliation in it. Nothing is more unbearable in this world than humiliation, whether for its victims or/and spectators.

When Bahá’u’lláh abolished the practice of confessing our sin to another human, He must have known that how greater ordeal it is for the person who takes it. Apologies, is pretty much the same, at least to me. One is abased while the other is ....well, I don’t know, put to tremendous test?

Since when did the simple, sincere “sorry” becomes insufficient? Elaboration of apology never beautify the objective. The more said, the worse both feels.

Perhaps, the most violent effect of an apology is that it provokes both parties the regrets of an undesirable events; be it lives lost, efforts failed, trusts falsely funded, time wasted. It seems easier to cling to those loses than to make an effort to forgive.

Ourselves in particular are often left out on our forgive list. Even after we claim to have forgive others, we still hold grudges with ourselves. Some may justify it as strict self-discipline or whatever, but in truth, it is simply in need for detachment.

It's harder than making/receiving apologies, no one can detach from themselves enough to be able to say that "I've forgive myself." It takes constant reminder, as much as when we are trying to forgive others.

We've been blessed with cliches of all kinds of wisdoms, one of which goes like this "you can never truly forgive others, until you've forgive yourself." Very well said, very insightful. Unfortunately, in a world where most of us rely on modern medias for quick input, something so insightful just don't make sense to our rusted mind.

here's what imo, very helpful when I try to forgive myself:

The essence of detachment is for man to turn his face towards the courts of the Lord, to enter His Presence, behold His Countenance, and stand as witness before Him.---Bahá’u’lláh

the stupid poem I wrote on starbucks guestbook

A place I seek shelter from early winter chill

Some roaming distance from where i dwell

Its air, yearns for my linger, for an hour or two

Perhaps I should, O! really I must

home myself here before I'm home

single sheet art

first one, star made from a slice of metallic paper ...

Sufferings to savour

A while ago, my friends asked for my opinion about her plan of taking a certain software class, “well, is it something you are interested?” I asked,

“uh...it might be useful for me to do service for Bahá’u’lláh. ”

“that’s very good thought, but will you be happy in taking this class? If you’ll be happy, I think it’s great, go ahead! But are you really interested?”

“uh...not really.” She’s an honest person.

It doesn’t seem to be an appropriate approach to look in our possibilities of service for ways of our own enjoyment. Service to Him is not suppose to be enjoyable, at least that shouldn’t be the first thing we look for in each path of service. I envy those heroes or heroines who can endure hardship simply for the sake of responding His call, to enter boldly into places unknown, a profound demonstration of obedience and sacrifice. I can never do that, nor will I ever master the will for it.

Although the thought of obtaining my own fulfillment or happiness never occurred to me when I throw myself in teaching team. At the age of 19, away from home for the first time in my life, I never felt scared or timid at the faces of stranger and unfamiliar circumstances. I was, oddly, happy and content in that state of ignorance. Having no knowledge about the Faith, the teaching work and everything else that should be important in one’s life, I felt that I’m good for something at last.

Very soon the feeling of content subsided, created a void in the corner of my mind that eventually occupied by this thought: am I good for nothing else? Being a teacher of Bahá’í Faith in such way is all very well but I simply couldn’t find enough passion to last for very long. I love sharing the Message of Bahá’u’lláh with total strangers, the look on their faces (acknowledgement or otherwise) are thrilling to me but I couldn’t picture myself doing this as a job for the next couple of decades. I must move on and up even though I didn’t realize that I wanted to.

I think that one can only be aspired to advance when walking on the path of service. The world is full of things that we can do for the betterment of it, but only those we are given the gifts can sustain. By “gifts”, I don’t mean the things that we already good at, but the things that pushes us to become better at it. I think I’ll call it “love”. For example, if my friend loves computer stuff, she would never have to ask for my opinion and would just go ahead take the class and offer her service in such fields. As for me, I love to learn different languages, it is a blast for me to immerse in the beauty of various dialogues. So much so that even the painful process of constructing vocabulary becomes utterly exiting. I have so much fun when striving to comprehend the letters from the Universal House of Justice and translate them into Chinese. It’s an ecstasy disguised as cruel agony. I can’t even describe how much fun I’ve had with those painful moments of strives.

Maybe this is what Bahá’u’lláh wants, I sometimes wonder, He wants us to not only offer our service with love but also to love our service. A sufficient explanation for me as to where the bliss comes from when one treads the path of service.

It’s awfully challenging enough to devote oneself on path of service in each preferred way; the agony of trial and the bliss of breakthrough are both profoundly sound. Frankly, this might be the next best thing I can offer beside martyrdom; long fetch, I know! but this is the closest thing I know about sufferings; can’t say I’m proud of it.

All that aside, I think it’s safe to say that I will be readily savoring my way of “sufferings” for decades to come. The more the merrier!

when the going is suck, how should one get going...

Just this week, one of my acquaintances called and poured her depression on me. She found herself stuck in a job with no prospects of advancement or merit, and was asked to stay for another 3 months when she hand in her resignation. Three months is hardly an issue in any cases except she meant to leave two weeks ago. Personally, I fail to see the downside of this scenario; she gets to stay employed and it allows her time to think about her next step. Perfect scenarios for someone who’s worn out on current job yet forced to linger for the sake of financial leverage. I must say that I’m quite puzzled by her depression in light of such convenient disposition.

I take pride in my capacity to find value in mediocrity and cheers in crappy time, but there are times I suspect it could be another form of eluding. A suspicion at times raided like a herd of angry elephants even to my own mind. I’m in a job that’s neither my passion nor will it uplift my status. Owing to my somewhat advanced level of English and the fact that we are constantly working with minimum staff, I was able to keep this job till this day. A desk job that’s tedious and dull, very low odds of error, still I barely accommodate it and slip up from time to time. It is clear to me that my current occupation is far from fulfilling the dreams I’ve had while sat idly in my junior high classroom, taking time out from memorizing English vocabularies and preparing for pop-quiz promised by our odd-looking English teacher. My dreams about future career includes becoming an actress/singer/poet, and be famous at it.

But they’re just dreams.

As I’m reaching the mid-point of my life, the fact that they remain dreams haunted me constantly. The time left for me to fulfill those dreams are running short and running fast. Again, it seems to be the least possible time now to spare a window for those dreams.

Often I found myself wonder; exactly what am I working towards? Given that I have absolutely no passion for the job that supplies me, what is it that actually sustained me in this journey of life and prevents me from slitting my wrist in escape from those nameless mind rants?

The moment I no longer find solace in taking work as worship, I knew my last hope for true joy is lost and I’m in deep shit. Pardon the S-word but for one whose disposition in life, career, status and all other perspectives held no promise, and worst of all refuse to take it all in, it's just like sitting in a big, sad, pile of shit!

I cling to the hope of ever approaching glory while my inner life bent in face of reality. The going is suck and there seems to be no other options but to keep going. The idea of deluding myself into confident of self-sufficing no longer appealing, my inner being cries for a purpose in life, threaten to extinguish my outer being if its demand ever be ignored again. At which point I seek shelter from Words, Words of solace, of grandeur, of gracefulness, of transcendence, Words spoken in His name, of His virtues, by His faithful Manifestation.

Once again, for 1/1000 second in my mind, peace was restored. In that split second of eternity, tranquility was found and just as soon was lost. But, that’s all I ever need, Words of the Blessed Beauty.

Must I be alone?

Yes, I feel very much alone at times. Regardless how approachable I may seem to be, I am very much alone in this world.

This sense of aloneness that occupies my whole being has nothing to do with being single, because one can still feel alone when married to a mismatch; no, rather it’s relate to awareness or should I say the lack of it, the lack of awareness in priorities, duties and perspectives in life.

While my mind strung out on wondering life after death, others strung out on contemplating their lives after hours. While an enlightenment grew old on me, others have theirs springing young. While my eager anticipation slowly dies, others have theirs even yet to be aroused.

The way I started with this question seems to imply that this state of aloneness is optional. As if!~

It seems the only way to withdraw myself from this overwhelming aloneness is to accept mediocrity as norm. How unreasonable it’d be to live like an outcast in a world that I could’ve fit in, and how easier life would be. Set aside happiness or not, how easier life would be for me.

Above all, I shall not be alone.

conveniences overrated

One thing that my newly acquaintances would ask from me, besides my cell phone number, is my MSN messenger or Skype account. Nowadays they don't even ask for my cell phone number anymore, "phone calls are costy" so they said.

Since I've neglected my MSN for quite a few years and the trend tends to favor Skype, I suffered myself the annoying process of establishing a skype account and with help from a friend, managed to initiate notice to as many people as I could.

First few days there was the anticipation of any response to my initial message, followed by disappointment when found none. I am known to have a handful of virtues but sadly, patience is not one of them. So by the third day, I posted a sarcastic rant on my user's intro. All but one responded to it, Bless that soul!!

It was fun, I must say, to indulge oneself with so many types of modern communication. Some convey not only words but also gestures that would fail to delivery when put into words. Unfortunately, ones who have limited clarity in speech remain so while they are typing to chat online. So much so that it triggers even more misunderstanding than chatting face to face.

It wouldn't be fair to say that this misunderstanding often occurred since chatting online also involves the speed of one's typing-hand, and frankly, most people type s~l~o~w. Eventually those who couldn’t keep up with their companies dived, deep, deep, down. Yet the urge to express oneself refuse to bend. This urge channeled itself to a new outlet-the blogs. It allows people to elaborate whatever it is they have to say within sufficient time, though often still insufficient in their delivery of points.

There are simply too many kinds of cyber alternatives with which people nowadays use to celebrate their ego and I can say, strangely with pride that we’ve succeed to abuse them in every possible way. The email account that gathers more garbage or forwarded articles than mails, the msn account that received pointless ads, the skype accounts that few actually purchase for phone-call clearance, the yahoo account, the qq account; as someone who have experienced all the above, it becomes clear to me that nothing in the world could fill up the blanks in various cubes of dialogue, since there are simply not that much to say while our daily lives is in fact plain. The scarceness of reflection increased as the insight for life declined.

I can say with certainty that whatever new cyber gadget emerges every once in a while will certainly and quickly lose their charm. For the least, I know they’ve lost their charms in me.

The art of translation

巴哈伊翻譯工作研討會 會後感想

當初收到澳門總會委員江紹發先生的電子郵件，有些錯愕：台灣還有許多前輩從事翻譯比我更久，要研討的話，找他們應該會比較言之有物。怎麼樣也不該輪到我。但是既然人家鼓勵與會者分享經驗，我心裡盤算著應該能從其他人那邊學到一些東西。況且連食宿和機票錢都幫我料理好了，我只需要請個假就能成行了。一時衝動，就回信說我會參加。

簡短打了回覆，按下傳送，網頁上的 ｢正在傳送中｣後面還在點點點，我就後悔了。不為別的，就為了前述的理由：我算哪根蔥啊！仔細看看人家預定的討論議程，其中｢翻譯理論、操作、規範｣？這是啥東東？怎麼翻譯還有理論和規範的？我一整個如墜百里霧中。他們這下是玩真的吧！真的要像在電視上看過的那樣，兩列排開，口沫橫飛地攤出一長串術語嗎？我最怕的噩夢就是自己身處狀況外，而照這樣看來，噩夢恐怕會成真。

剉歸剉，信已經寄出了。巴哈歐拉說過做人要言而有信(or something like that)。既然決定要去，而且看情形好像不大可能會有天災人禍導致延期或取消，就認真準備吧。於是當我收到會前準備資料時，就很用功地給它讀下去—沒準到時候真的會來場抽考咧！

這是我第三次踏上對岸的土地。

新紀元出版社對這次的研討會，可說是鞠躬盡瘁。幾個月以來投注全副心力，動用所有人脈，到場的包括幾位參與亞格達斯經翻譯、審校的教授，還有內地幾位翻譯巴哈伊典籍經驗豐富的老將，也有北京來的資深輔導員。

研討會的內容相當豐富，主要有關翻譯和審校。跟我當初盤算的一樣，我學到很多。意外發現，原來每次我翻譯時所經歷的那些痛苦歷程(遣詞用字、反覆推敲、轉念一想、推翻前譯、再反覆推敲)，在場許多前輩都經歷過。這更加證明了曾老師所說的｢翻譯難，翻譯宗教經典更難，翻譯巴哈伊典籍是難上加難｣一語道出所有翻譯及審校同工的心情。

一個巴哈伊翻譯工作者，所需的條件除了對翻譯工作的熱情與責任心，還有對巴哈伊信仰的了解與熱愛。(這是別人說的)

我看到一群人為了巴哈歐拉的新世界秩序的奠基共同獻出心力，對我而言，他們是不是巴哈伊並不重要，重要的是他們心甘情願地投入在這個領域，開疆闢土，盡自己的努力做到最好，也真心祈求未來有人能做得比他們更好。正是這份真誠謙卑的心意，使這群翻譯工作者成為字斟句酌、反覆推敲、追求完美的藝術家。

這正是每個巴哈伊信徒所嚮往的；朝向完美境界。

我很榮幸有這次機會與這群藝術家共聚一堂，聽他們暢所欲言，分享翻譯工作上的經驗，抒發翻譯或審校時的苦惱，談論未來翻譯團隊與交流平台的組建，學習到更多翻譯或審校的原則規範。除了感同身受，獲益良多，也增添我心中對於從事這藝術的前輩們的敬佩之情。

阿北的粉絲